"Physical reality is consistent with universal laws. Where the laws do not operate, there is no reality"




"Physical reality is consistent with universal laws. Where the laws do not operate, there is no reality" 

Welcome back, apologies for I have not recorded my findings or observations for a while. Nor have I taken a moment to record my recollections. There is a reason for this. Recently I have found myself feeling very stimulated, my concentration has been poor and my ability to mask my feelings has been weak. This has meant that for me to appear in the world has taken all my will and concentration, and even then, it has been a painfully flawed process. If I did not have so many natural commitments to the humans around me, I would have happily hidden for a few weeks. However, this option is not available to a visiting alien. 

During this time, I have been given cause to consider the challenges of hypersensitivity. How my palms prickle for no apparent reason until I realise, I am digging my nails into them. The feeling of my boot flapping against the side of my foot as I jiggle my leg. The realisation of humanities tendency to all speak at once as if I can just filter out the bits I need and respond. Then their offence as I shout and tell everyone to be quiet, irrespective of their age or needs. My constant need to remind those around me that I can literally do one thing at a time. I can either make a coffee, or have a conversation, not both, and so on. 

So it is that I have come to the realisation that humanity tries to do everything too quickly. Further, that this condition in the species is getting worse. There is an urgency in a person when they have something to say. This urgency results in a loss of detail and information. I have been frequently reminded that I talk too much or give overly complex answers to questions. My response will always be, there is a lot to be said on certain subjects, and if a person asks a question, they deserve a proper answer. For example, when a person asks me what colour an object is I am forced to remind them that they are in fact asking what colour it is not. This is because the colour we observe is the strand of the spectrum that object reflects, therefore it is bounced away to our eyes. The object is, in fact, all the colours apart from the one we see. They impatiently wave this fact aside and act as if I am being obtuse, however I am not, I am trying to answer their question correctly. I have never understood how what is correct can be ignored if it is not aesthetically pleasing to listener or reader. Yet I have always understood that what is perceived to be correct, can be questioned and then from this further understanding of the truth can be gleaned. 

 All the above is running constantly through my head, including the persistent thought that the world is not solid. I know this because if I were small enough and had sufficient mass I would fall through the gaps in the molecules and float out into space. Once out in space I am forced to wonder which way is “Up” and which is “Down” or do we simply fall through the vastness of the Universe in the appropriate direction to land once again upon some planet and from this position assume from whence we came and where we go. 

A decent phase like this is incredibly painful and difficult, however it offers insights into the world around me and a certain practical creativity I do not get at other times in my life. Each time I pass through this phase and gaze back on the wreckage I am reminded of the effort required to manage myself and the lack of compassion I am frequently shown when I am unable to do so. It underlines humanities need to describe how it would wish to behave, or believes, in its quieter moments, versus how much of that it is willing to carry out. 

It is through Spock’s eyes that I view this cultural oxymoron and so it is that Spock saves my life whenever I encounter it. During these moments I prefer physical reality, the peace of observing the sky as clouds scud by. For these things operate according to universal laws and do not require my input to occur, and where such laws do not operate such reality cannot exist. Thus the un-reality of conversation and emotion, social input and output, can be laid aside in favour of simply being.

I would like to take you on a journey through my personal and very final frontier. The journey from anxious, confused undiagnosed Autistic child and adult, to the content “Aspie” that writes this blog.


My hope is that my journey might give the reader some insight into the joy and pain that Autistic life may bring. I ask that you relax and enjoy the dry dark humour of my inner Spock. That you receive my conversation around suicidal ideation as a frank description of a mental state rather than a emotive plea for understanding. In return I will share with you some of the funniest, most awkward, darkest and happiest moments over the last 33 years. I hope to share this at least once a week, if not more frequently.


Thanks for reading and we’ll chat soon


Kind Regards


Matt

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