How Spock Saved My Life

"Physical reality is consistent with universal laws. Where the laws do not operate, there is no reality"   Welcome back, apologies for I have not recorded my findings or observations for a while. Nor have I taken a moment to record my recollections. There is a reason for this. Recently I have found myself feeling very stimulated, my concentration has been poor and my ability to mask my feelings has been weak. This has meant that for me to appear in the world has taken all my will and concentration, and even then, it has been a painfully flawed process. If I did not have so many natural commitments to the humans around me, I would have happily hidden for a few weeks. However, this option is not available to a visiting alien.  During this time, I have been given cause to consider the challenges of hypersensitivity. How my palms prickle for no apparent reason until I realise, I am digging my nails into them. The feeling of my boot flapping against the side of my foot as I jiggle...

“Fascinating” I find the world and its inhabitants fascinating. The reality of emotional and psychological bonds oscillate as frequently as the flow of oxygen, nitrogen, argon and carbon dioxide through our inhabitable atmosphere.   Although the primary component of air is nitrogen gas . Trace gases include neon, methane, helium, krypton, hydrogen, xenon, ozone, and many other elements and compounds . The composition of air varies from one place to the next and even varies depending on whether it is day or night.   I have discovered that the emotional bonds between humans are as faceted as the air we breathe. I always considered the air in terms of “oxygen” and was excited to learn just how many other gases we breathe in and our lungs filter out. In the same way I considered friendship and romance in the broad terms of “love” and “loyalty”. I believed that one must have access to those elements to have friends and that such elements, I did not have. To extend the m...

  “Change is the essential process of all existence” It may be somewhat of a stereotype, but I am highly resistant to change. The problem with that assertion is, change has many meanings and contexts because the word is misapplied or used illogically. I am not resistant to variation, or curvature, subtle fractions or exponential sub-categories of experiences. For example, I can go to different shops for my groceries.   However if they have changed something in one of those shops, like the position of the fruit or dairy. Then, I will likely spend around an hour walking aimless round the shop trying to process the logic in that change.   Realigning myself to the new layout whilst fending off a rising tide of paralysing fear and panic can result in some demonstrably odd behaviour. Some of my fellow ASC tribe would not wish to change where they shop and have very set routines, I appreciate this. My Autism doesn’t affect me in quite the same way. I have set routines th...

"Insufficient facts always invite danger" We have established that I do not feel specifically human. That’s not to say I do not pertain to humanity; however, I feel, and have always felt, that I am an observer. My inner Spock has guided me with this, shaped my inner dialogue and continually sought to gather sufficient information to operate. I have learnt over time the importance of the quote “Insufficient facts invite danger”. My predisposition to assume the logical outcome of a conversation or action has repeatedly left me appearing rude, inconsiderate and arrogant. Much like the character of Spock, despite the naivety and innocence of my intentions, my ability to irritate humans with the neurotypical mindset is boundless. I formed one significant bond between the age of 7 and 16. He was my best friend and, I suspect, a fellow observer. We appreciated each other’s love of categorisation. Our enjoyment of pyrotechnics (small scale, nothing criminal I will add). Our profound ...

  “Highly Illogical”   From around age 8 I became aware of my alien roots. The messy, irrational humans around me kept confusing me with their inability to make things simple. Their behaviours were indescribably oblique, and right was often wrong. Wrong was often Fun at first. Then became wrong despite still being in the context of Fun and therefore Right. I was often told not to be so serious and have “Fun”, as I was too old for my age. However, my idea of Fun was often burning something or taking something apart. Apparently, that’s wrong… At the risk of causing unnecessary emotional responses in the reader, this was around the time I began to contemplate my mortality. As a member of a family and the wider community and by default humanity. I could feel my isolation from those around me but could not process it other than a sense of loss. I recall leaning out of my bedroom watching the back-garden loom beneath me. I wondered how calm I might feel as I fell, how peacef...