"To Expect Sense from Two Mentalities of Such Extreme Points of View is not Logical."

 

"To Expect Sense from Two Mentalities of Such Extreme Points of View is not Logical."

 

Ah, hello there, welcome once again to my quarters.

I have been feeling somewhat rebellious recently, especially as I am the last Vulcan here on Earth and unlikely to leave a lasting impression.

I tire of pretending to be human, the irksome need to pacify and mollify their tenuous beliefs and grip on facts. Or having to decipher or preserve their emotional responses to my observations of their behaviours or recollections of their words. I find it curious how they seem to take exception to having their words quoted back to them, as if I am being difficult when I am correcting them. They will often deny something they have said, especially if it is inaccurate or untrue, and my effort to assure them they did say it ends up in them being angry or aggressive. Such strange and extreme emotions to have, especially over something as simple as the truth of things. Facts are not personal or insulting they simply are, observations are not insults.

I find it aggravating those humans also seem to want to give me advise on how I should communicate. This is despite their own clear deficiencies and deceptions. Not only do they wish to give me this advice, but they are usually so angry and irritated that they will not give me the opportunity to operate within the parameters of this advice. For example:

Human: Comes back to phone conversation having made a cup of tea “PLEASE DO CONTINUE CHEWING MY EAR OFF”

Vulcan: I somehow manage not to take the statement literally despite how disgusting the expression appears to me. “I DID NOT REALISE I WAS CHEWING YOUR EAR OFF; I APOLOGISE…”

Human: “WELL, NO YOU CAN’T JUST CUT OFF LIKE THAT, CARRY ON, BUT, I MEAN YOU JUST GOING ON ABOUT WHATS HAPPENING TO YOU ISN’T REALLY A CONVERSATION IS IT?”

Vulcan: “WELL YOU ASKED ME HOW I WAS, I WAS TELLING YOU, I DID NOT MEAN TO TALK TOO MUCH. I SEE THE PROBLEM YOU HAVE…OF COURSE…PLEASE TELL ME…HOW ARE YOU?”

Human: “BUT THAT’S NOT A CONVERSATION EITHER, ITS HARDLY FLOWING, YOU’VE JUST BROKEN OFF WHAT YOU WERE SAYING AND ARE ASKING ME NOW. THAT’S NOT A CONVERSATION EITHER”

Vulcan: “WELL NO, BUT I AM UNSURE AS TO WHAT YOUR DESIRED OUTCOME IS GIVEN THAT YOU HAVE COMPLAINED THAT I AM TALKING TOO MUCH AND NOW COMPLAIN THAT I AM NOT FLOWING IN THE CONVERSATION. YOU DESCRIBED TO ME HOW I WAS CHEWING YOUR EAR OFF. I REALISE YOU MEAN I WAS TALKING TOO MUCH, SO NOW I AM NOT TALKING AND ASKING YOU TO TALK. HOWEVER YOU APPEAR UNWILLING TO SIMPLY ANSWER A QUESTION GENERATED BY YOUR OWN OBSERVATION THEREFORE I AM AT A LOSS AS TO WHAT YOU HOPE TO ACHIEVE”.

Human:  Angrily “OH SO ITS ALL MY FAULT THAT WE CAN’T HAVE A CONVERSATION NOW IS IT?”

Vulcan: “NO I AM SIMPLY TRYING TO RESPOND TO YOUR OBSERVATION”

Human: “OH FORGET IT…” Hangs up.

I consider this to be the quintessential ‘Catch 22’ the definition of which, according to the Oxford English Dictionary is

A dilemma or difficult circumstance from which there is no escape because of mutually conflicting or dependent conditions:

 By my understanding this is the definition of living as a Vulcan on the planet Earth. Most of the things typical neurology expects from life are mutually exclusive from one another. This seems to result in a general malaise and numerous mental health problems. This is to the extent that my efforts to keep up with the self-destructive tendencies of common human psychology has caused me to develop my own unique anxiety which can, upon occasion, be paralysing, even for one as aloof as I.

 It becomes even stranger when it seems that, simply by virtue of being Vulcan, I am somehow responsible for these misfires. In my efforts to interact and observe the phenomenon I expose the frailty of it, the sheer illogical nature of it all. The act of exposing this causing great offence to those engaged in this charade. I wonder if, for this very reason, I will ever really experience what it is to be human, despite having so many traits of humanity.

Just please remember if we ever meet, you do not need to understand me, any more than I need to understand you. To expect sense from two such extreme points of view is not logical. If we could just appreciate each other a little better that might be enough.

 

I would like to take you on a journey through my personal and very final frontier. The journey from anxious, confused undiagnosed Autistic child and adult, to the content “Aspie” that writes this blog.

 

My hope is that my journey might give the reader some insight into the joy and pain that Autistic life may bring. I ask that you relax and enjoy the dry dark humour of my inner Spock. That you receive my conversation around suicidal ideation as a frank description of a mental state rather than a emotive plea for understanding. In return I will share with you some of the funniest, most awkward, darkest and happiest moments over the last 33 years. I hope to share this at least once a week, if not more frequently.

 

Thanks for reading and we’ll chat soon

 

Kind Regards

 

Matt